we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
