ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize