so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
