and my herpes radar will keep us safe
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
