he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
