I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
