Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
