matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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