Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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