I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We're too hungover to prance.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
