I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
