I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
