btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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