I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
