we have pet lesbian snakes
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
