if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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