when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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