I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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