her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
