Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
