I must be too annoying 4 u.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
