Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
