Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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