hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
