im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize