I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
