I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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