My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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