Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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