I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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