It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize