Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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