I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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