We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
