Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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