Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
