I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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