Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
