my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
