We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
