i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
