she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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