just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
