He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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