My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There r osticjed everywhere
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
