I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
