this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
