Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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