Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
