your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
