I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
