Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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