someone threw a dead crab at me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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