Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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