my phone needs a breathalizer
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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