I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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