i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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