my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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