Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
