his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
